9 dirty Irish jokes you can only laugh at if you're over 18

9 dirty Irish jokes you can only laugh at if you're over 18

No subject is off limits when it comes to Irish gags.

Whether it's a funeral wake or a visit to the surgeon, there's never a bad time for a guilty giggle.

Here are 9 of the dirtiest Irish jokes you can only laugh at if you're over 18...

1. The diagnosis

Paddy stops by the pub on the way home from the doctor.

"What's the matter?" Seamus asks as he walks in.

Paddy replies: "I haven't been feeling meself recently."

"Good!" says Seamus. "That was a nasty little habit you had!"

2. Wedding night

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says:

"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"

3. Constipated

Paddy goes to his doctor complaining about being constipated.

The doctor says: "Try these and come back next week."

A week later Paddy returns and the doctor asks: "Did the treatment work?"

"No," Paddy says. "Were they supposed to go up me arse?"

4. Bad aim

Paddy and Seamus went to London to become sperm donors.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Seamus came on the bus!

5. The tally

Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar.

Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town.

"Except me mammy, of course!"

"Well then," says Seamus. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!"

6. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish

1) He lived at home until he was 30

2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates

3) His mam thought he was God

4) He thought his mam was a virgin

7. A dilateful little joke

Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushed her to hospital.

On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?"

To which Paddy replies: "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the feckin' moon!"

8. Irish swingers

Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says: "I wonder how the girls are getting on".

9. Trainwreck of a night

Paddy's walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track.

He frees her and takes her home where they make passionate love all night.

The next day Paddy's drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before.

"So what does she look like Paddy?" asks Seamus.

"I don't know," replies Paddy. "I haven't found her head yet!"