1. The weather
And by that I mean the summer. I know it’s a different story in the north of England and Scotland but people in the south of England and London have NO cause to complain about their summers. I mean, have you seen an Irish summer? You need to be dressed like a fisherman just to walk the dog. While Londoners are parading around in skimpy shorts and shades, Irish people are laughing hysterically when they pass shop windows full of sarongs and wispy summer dresses. Honestly, you wouldn’t send a dog out on most days in June in Ireland. In fact, my dog has actually sat at the front door staring out the rain (coming down in vertical sheets) and given me a look like ‘If you’re not going out there, why should I?’ Meanwhile people in London are being told to carry water on the Tube and get off at the next station if they feel unwell from THE HEAT.
2. Anonymity
In London you can do whatever the heck you like, safe in the knowledge that if you are behaving like an animal no one you know will ever be any the wiser. In Ireland, even in our biggest cities, you can’t scratch your arse without everyone knowing. For example: I once innocently kissed a boy behind a tree in Monkstown, Co. Cork when I was about 15. ‘How sweet’, I hear you say, a private moment between two young adults taking their tentative first steps towards adulthood. Except it was ruined by some guy standing outside the pub shouting ‘Aren’t you Tony Harrington’s daughter?’
3. Public transport
Londoners emit an audible collective moan at the mere mention of public transport but actually the capital’s transport system is pretty damn amazing. For the most part, it’s a model of Germanic efficiency compared to Ireland. And TFL also get props for communicating - if the Tube stops the driver gives you updates every ten seconds. You’ll get no such thing when your Irish Rail train grinds to a halt for no reason somewhere near Mallow...probably because the driver presumes everyone knows there's a cow on the tracks.
4. The roads
The only cars I’ve ever been in in London are Ubers but drivers reliably inform me that English roads are much better than at home where the local Councils seem to be involved in some sort of roundabout worshipping cult. Also- in Ireland we don’t just do potholes – we do supersize potholes that a Beluga Whale could get lost in. If you don't believe me check out the lad in the video above swimming in one of Ireland's biggest potholes.
Love live the NHS (Photo by Christopher Furlong/Getty Images)5. The NHS
Aneurin Bevan, the Welsh miner turned Labour politician and the godfather of Britain’s free health service should be sainted. Yes there are problems - big problems - in the NHS today but at home in Ireland a trip to the GP is €50 before you’ve opened your mouth to say ‘aghhhhh’. And when it comes to sexual health - London is in a league of its own. Try getting the contraceptive pill from your family doctor in Ireland and being asked how long you’ve been seeing your boyfriend? Seriously.
A woman kisses the Blarney Stone in County Cork. (Photo by Three Lions/Getty Images)6. People like your accent
I’ve never met an Irish person who loves their own accent (or even believes they have one) so being in London, Cardiff, Manchester or any part of Britain and and having people tell you your accent is sexy is a novelty.
Brick Lane shows us how multi-cultural diversity is done (Photo by Cate Gillon/Getty Images)7. The melting pot
Indian, Pakistani, Caribbean, African, Chinese and Irish – we’re all here baby – and that’s what makes London so buzzy, so vibrant and so appealing. Imagine Brixton with no Rastafarians, or Kilburn with no Irish auld wans, and how dull would Southall be without any Indians?
Nothing beats the papers and a pint down the pub on a Sunday8. Sunday drinking
Oh the joyous British institution of hitting the pub for ‘lunch’ on Sunday. Maybe it’s being raised in a Catholic country but drinking on a Sunday feels delightfully indulgent. Thank God for the secular Sabbath.
London shoppers (Photo by Carl Court/Getty Images)9. Shopping
So, so, so much better here. Which is why your friends have a seizure when they see Topshop on Oxford Circus. Honestly, don’t take them to Westfield; they’ll have a meltdown.
10. Sterling
It’s nice to be on the right side of the exchange rate for once innit? 70 pence to the euro - that’s 30 per cent more money in my sweaty little paw thank you very much. I’m Bill Gates! Now who wants a pint?
