THERE’S THAT old saying about the Irish diaspora—we leave Ireland, go halfway across the world, and spend all our time singing sad songs about how we miss home.
And as much as we hate to be stereotyped, that cliché is true 99% of the time. I speak more Irish outside of Ireland than I ever did when I lived there—and I went to a Gaelscoil.
Meanwhile, as soon as my friend arrived in China to teach English she bought a tin whistle, and it takes nothing for her to start belting out an Irish tune on any given occasion.
But as much as we talk about our beloved home country and all the things that make it so wonderful (and there are countless reasons) there are a few things that we don’t miss.
Such as…
The public transport … Or lack of it
One thing guaranteed to get an Irish person riled up is bringing up the two dreaded words: Bus Éireann.
If you’ve ever been a student commuting back home on the weekends you’ll know very well the frustration of having to take a four-hour bus that stops at every tiny town, bringing you in circles around the country for a journey that should take an hour door-to-door. And that’s if the bus even shows up in the first place.
Basically, if you don’t drive—you’re fecked. But getting a license in Ireland is far from easy.
Which brings us to the next thing…
The expense of the place
You’re sick of the slow, unreliable, and expensive public transport. So you decide it’s time to get on the road yourself. No problem! Except between the 12 mandatory driving lessons, eyesight tests, the theory and practical test and then buying the license, you’re looking at AT LEAST €660.
And that’s before you even have a car.
Buying or renting a place in certain Irish cities—not just in the capital—can be more expensive than London. In fact, Dublin is one of the most expensive cities to live in the world, more-so than the affluent Abu Dhabi.
Of course rural areas are much less expensive than the cities, but to live there you have to be able to drive. It’s a vicious cycle.
The weather
Speaking of vicious, have you ever been caught in rain so heavy it hurt? With strong gales whipping your cold, wet face and hands so cold you can’t even feel them?
No? Then you’re clearly not Irish. Sure that’s just a Wednesday for us. And Thursday, and Friday, and... well. You get the picture.
No matter the time of year in Ireland, any planned outdoor activities will come with small-print: Weather permitting.
Everyone being in your business
In many smaller villages across Ireland, you can’t take a shite without it being spread around town. (Metaphorically, not literally—thank God). There are eyes everywhere, and everyone knows everyone, and everyone loves to hear about what ‘yer wan down the road’ is up to these days. Before the days of social media, saying “Did you hear about…” was the equivalent of posting to Facebook, and worked just as fast.
There’s one person who will always be in your business no matter where in the world you are, and that’s your mammy—you might be thousands of miles away but she’ll still be there wondering what you’re up to, where you’re going, who you’ll be with, when you’ll be home. And you love her for it.
That everything happens in Dublin
If you live outside of Dublin and you want to do—well, anything—you just have to suck it up and sit in traffic for hours on the motorway.
It seems like every international act thinks Ireland begins and ends in Dublin, meaning attending any concert or big event consists of expensive day trips or overnight holidays for anyone living outside of the Pale. We know it’s the capital lads, but come on.
The lack of amenities for teenagers
Lots of places in Ireland have plenty of fun things to do, but many more don’t have much at all. For a lot of small towns across the country, if you’re not into sports you’re left to just wander around making your own fun. Being a teenager in small-town Ireland was a lot of wandering from Centra to Lidl and back again. It might have something to do with the young age many Irish people start drinking.
The Begrudgers
Ah, the Begrudgers. As big a part of Irish culture as the Craic, we are a nation that loves to complain. If something goes wrong they complain. If something goes right-- for somebody else other than them-- they complain.
You can usually find these people sitting in the corner of a pub complaining about every little thing. Like the weather, public transport, that everything happens in Dublin…
I see the irony here.
